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A teenager came up to me once after I had given a talk on marriage and asked me, "Why did God make sex feel so great and then expect us to wait so long before we can use it?" He continued, "Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage as long as each person agrees."
Because I am a professional psychologist, the first thoughts that came into my mind were scientific and rational. First, I am aware of a long list of studies and surveys in sociology that conclude that those persons who engage in premarital sex are significantly more likely to engage in extramarital sex as well. Second, the research also shows that those who engage in premarital sex are significantly more likely to get divorced.
These data are sufficient to demonstrate that people who wait until after marriage to experience sex are more likely to have a healthy marriage. However, all my instincts told me that statistics can be dry and meaningless in the eyes of a teenager.
Instead of stats and studies, I felt that I should share with this questioning teen some of the truths that I have learned during…
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Hi Dr Andre, am grateful to you for this wonderful article and I hope Christians will embrace it.Its not easy been a virgin whether secondary or not,but with God ,All things are possible.Its the best way to survive in this world and avoid all these diseases and its the best way to make it in this life.People especially christians dont believe in abstienece but with this article, I want them to know that its possible.Though they are very rare in the world thats virgins.God will help us all and thanks to Dr. Andre, this arrtile will surely achieve its aim and touch the hearts of people.May God Help us all, Amen
Dr. André Leyva, I really love this article. I always believed in re-dedicating myself to Lord and becoming a virgin again at heart even if not physically. May God help us and keep us free from premarital sex now and always until we meet our life partners and may God bless you and crown your efforts with sucess. I pray everyone sees this and implement the words in their lives.
Sex, generally affects the body, the soul and the spirit deeply.So let’s have it at the right time, with the right person and for the right reasons.
Good day Dr Andre! Thanks for this article. My daughter is just 3yrs old but I am already thinking how will she remain chaste before marriage, this is a perfect explanation. I pray for all people, especially teenagers that all would appreciate and respect this wonderful gift God has given to married couples!
This is a wonderful article - one that will help young people achieve what they dream about for their marriage. It also supports the latest research. There are many new books, one called “Hooked,” written by two doctors about the bonding process. It is easily understood by teens. Also, Catholic lay ministers are also speaking out on this topic, relating it to the Theology of the Body. All of what we have learned affirms the truth of how God created us, and I give thanks to Him for revealing these truths so the next generations will not suffer in their relationships, married or single, if they embrace the truth.
Thanks Dr. Andre ,the articles reveals the true nature of marriage. It shows that
value and disposition that is neded to make marriage close to the example of christ and the church,and it is the will of God.With the option of secondary virginity,you’ve let us know that it is possible to rededicate ourselves and achiev that intimacy with christ, we have lost once or many times lost.
Thank you, Dr. Leyva:
When a marriage ends, it is often because the partners do not see sex in the marriage (or outside the marriage) the same way. This is why it is so important for Catholics to be “equally yoked” to other Catholics, who will respect them and honor them.
When a marriage ends, and one partner then becomes available for marriage, it is hard not to feel like “damaged goods” among other Catholics. Because we revere chastity, we seek other chaste partners. If once married, though, we find it very hard to find others who are chaste in these times. It is especially hard for divorced women to find men, especially if the men are still virgins, to treat them as the beautiful chaste beings they are, even though married previously.
Please address this to the men. It is not always our fault we are divorced, and we are equally desirous of finding a worthy mate for us, even though once married before. Because we had a bad experience, even if we held it together for far longer than we should have because we are Catholic, does not mean that the next marriage with a new, equally loving, worthy man, will not be something he should avoid with us. Some of us would truly appreciate meeting a chaste Catholic man, whether he is a virgin or not.
We need more Catholic examples of abstinence because it seems like such an old fashioned idea to many young people. Everything you see and hear around you is against ‘waiting’, many are ridiculed for making that choice and we need to encourage them. It is possible to for both men and women to ‘wait’. Challenge God to provide a partner who will understand and be willing to wait, it’s not easy at all. But remember Calavary was not easy and its victory was tremendous and for ever.