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Does self-help advice make marital communication sound too easy?
Licensed clinical therapist Peter Kleponis thinks so. “I cringe a little when I flip through magazines and see articles on ‘10 Easy Steps’ to solving communication problems,” he says. “They often give the impression that it’s a simple, tidy matter of learning a few skills. In fact, it’s an ongoing process involving deep-seated issues and two imperfect human beings!” While how-to tips can be helpful, he says in the following interview, couples who want to improve on their communication should begin by looking at the families they grew up in.
What are some of the underlying factors that hinder communication in marriage?
Anger, fear, loneliness, and mistrust are the most common root causes, I’d say. Most of the time, these problems don’t originate within the marriage itself. They develop as each spouse is growing up and observing how their own…
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As weekend presenters for World Wide Marriage Encounter for more than 15 years in 3 states, we consider ourselves very knowledgeable on the subject of marriage and communication in particular.
We have come to the conclusion that being proactive at changing our own behavior is far more important than finding out why we behave. Life is too short and we don’t have time to dwell on the whys, but just “do it”. Then if time is left over, we can wonder about the whys.
Then we eliminate all the reasons to blame anyone else for our behavior. If we can blame our family or lack of, it follows that we can blame our spouse.
Time now is too short to expand on this subject so dear to our hearts.
Therapist Kleponis makes many very good points in this interview.
Tricia & Conrad Holsomback
Does anyone know where to go to see “Bob and Jan’s story” that they referred to a couple of times in this article? I searched for it and can’t find it on The Word Among Us.